Last year the controversial and aptly named act, Kunt and the Gang made somewhat of a mark on the UK Charts when they managed to get ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt’ in at number sixty six. When I heard that he was having another go at sabotaging the charts with ‘Fucksticks’ for the Royal Wedding weekend, I dropped Kunt a line to learn a little more about his band and mission. Having already recorded the likes of ‘Let’s Have A Wank for England’, ‘There’s A Child Molester Living in Grays’ and simply ‘Have A Wank’ I suspected this would get a little colourful. I also knew I’d have a hard time publishing this anywhere in its uncensored entirety other than my own blog.
For those who aren’t familiar with Kunt and the Gang, Kunt has kindly filled in the blanks, “We were formed in 2003. My previous band Pubic Cube broke up after my cousin Andy Kunt walked out when I wrote a comedy song about paedophiddlia called ‘Maybe I’m A Nonce’. The idea with Kunt and the Gang was to form an act to sing about topics that everyone could relate to but no other bands were covering in their music, like washing your cock before going on a night out and having a wank.”
You have a campaign to get Fucksticks into the charts for the Royal Wedding weekend can you talk us through how this came about?
There was a Facebook campaign at Christmas to get our song ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt’ to Xmas number 1 which was clearly never gonna happen because at that time of year you need about half a million sales to get the top spot, but it did get to no. 66 in the proper chart with no press or radio (not that I was expecting any for a song called ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt’!) After that I had a few people suggest doing it again at a time of year when the sales are lower and the Royal Wedding seemed a good excuse. Another factor was when you speak to old punks a lot of them feel like they have got unfinished business with the Royals after the Sex Pistols ‘God Save The Queen’ was cheated out of the number 1 slot for the Silver Jubilee. I figured it might be a bit of a laugh if the press had to deal with a video of the Royals all wanking off in between the simpering wedding coverage!
Why is it that you chose Fucksticks out of all your material?
I had the idea for the Royal Wedding Souvenir Version of ‘Fucksticks’, and thought it would be fun to make a video reconstructing all the Royal scandals!
Have you received more recognition after getting ‘Use My Arsehole as A Cunt’ into the charts over Christmas?
The chart thing helped get our stuff out to a few new people who otherwise might not have heard of us but I’m not laying round on a lilo getting wanked off by a supermodel whilst signing autographs for jailbait if that’s what you mean.
Have you experienced much backlash as a result of your lyrics and subject matter?
Not as much as I would like because it makes for good publicity! The best backlash I’ve had was an article in the local paper about a pub in Basildon displaying my poster in the window. Some bird had complained because the pub was 200 yards from a school. The headline was ‘SINGER’S VULGAR NAME SPARKS OUTRAGE’ and it was the best attended gig I’d ever had!
When I started the idea was mainly to write songs about the stuff that you think about but don’t really say out loud, unless you’re down the pub with your mates after 6 pints. It’s just meant to be a bit of a laugh but for some reason it does seem to make the people that don’t like it get a bit angry which to be honest I don’t really mind!
You’ve recently began the internet series Perverts on the Internet are there any plans to bring this to TV? Has anybody shown any interest in this? It seems like the sort of thing E4 broadcast.
Having seen some of the lacklustre shite that E4 turn out I will presume that was meant as an insult. We would love to get some TV cash that’s being chucked around at some fucking dreadful excuses for comedy but I think a TV programmer would have to be on drugs to commission us. Luckily they all are!
Since the success of Rage Against The Machine there seem to be a lot of campaigns to get music into the charts to “stick it to the man” what is it that makes ‘Fucksticks’ a rebellious song and distinguishes it from others that are trying to break into the charts?
There have been a lot of chart campaigns and obviously it will be near impossible to recreate the success of Rage Against The Machine but I think ‘Fucksticks’ is not so much about sticking it to the man, more about seeing what will happen! The phrase ‘Fucksticks, Queen Mother’s Cunt’ guarantees the song is too rude for radio so if it goes top 40 Radio 1 will have to ban it. Also I think we have broken new ground for bad taste in the video where all the Royal Family are having a wank!
What’s next for Kunt and the Gang?
We’re doing a new episode of Perverts On The Internet monthly this year and dicking around with some other videos, then there’s a new album on the way next year called Fresh Kunts.
I would just like to say to any reviewers or critics that are planning to say anything remotely negative about us, I have got a gun that I keep for personal protection. I will find out where you live, wait outside in the shadows until you go out, then I will go in and take care of your wife and kids. I will go through your stuff and find out where your Mum and Dad live, then I will go round and see to them as well. I will look through your Facebook and find out who your best friends are and one by one I will take them out in increasingly horrific fashion. Then when you have no-one left I will sneak into your house and abduct you in the middle of the night. I will gaffer tape your mouth and eyes up and use cable ties on your hands and feet. I will drive you out to a derelict warehouse and submit you to a serious and sustained sexual assault then dump you naked and bleeding in a layby where I will set fire to you whilst you’re still alive. I will dance around as you burn and when the fire has died down I will defecate on your charred corpse and put a bumwipe in your mouth. That said everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.
Is the nearest we’re going to get to a relatively family friendly Kunt and the Gang song the clean version of ‘Use my arsehole as a cunt’?
I have written a version of ‘Fucksticks’ especially for the kiddies that goes ‘Fiddlesticks, Mother’s Milk’. I plan to use the drug dealer’s model of starting them off on the soft stuff then gradually getting them hooked on the harder stuff.
In terms of the big picture, what would it mean to get ‘Fucksticks’ into the charts?
It would be massive for us. We could go overnight from a cheap, puerile, smutty pub act to Public Enemy Number 1! If the Royals get to see the video for ‘Fucksticks’ I will be keeping an eye out for a white Fiat every time I use the Dartford tunnel!
If you could say one thing to Prince William and Kate Middleton what would it be?
Have you got a band sorted for your wedding reception? My rates are pretty reasonable and I will do a set of all my crowd pleasers like ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt’ and ‘Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died’.
Kate Middleton – would you go there?
Out of respect for Prince William, our future King, I wouldn’t fuck her. Unless they split up. Or she really wanted me to, in which case I would lay her down on a load of posh cushions, lick her out, then give her one.
Do you think anybody has ever used Prince William’s arsehole as a cunt?
I’ve heard what goes on at these posh boarding schools but I know if I was the future King and I was going to indulge in a spot of bumming I would have made sure I was the sausage rather than the wallet.
Thank you very much to Kunt for taking time out of his busy schedule. To see what all the rage is about, check out the links below.